Is perhaps an issue. Thinking without thoughts at the moment. They are fleeting, gaseous, and faintly malignant. The problem is perhaps with a connection between conscious and unconscious processes. The problem here is I can't keep talking about language about this but I'm so used to writing about it and I guess I kind of know how to say things about it but that's not the point. Though I suppose that is the point of all this. Watched drama/scary film after much comedy. I forgot about that in terms of feeling different. I just wanted to watch because I thought it would be more exciting but then I got kind of emotionally involved. I almost wrote kind've right there. Hypercorrection of course. There goes again. The point is writing without writing about writing I don't think I can do it. I don't know how anybody can. I guess I'm always thinking about thinking, reading about reading, playing music about music, doing life about life; it's a step remove that maybe maybe that's what's removed in me. The lack of transparency in my endeavors. The transparency that is, of course, an illusion. Language misrecognizes the real and all that Vishnupad. But in terms of lived experience, I think not only is the medium necessary I think the illusion of transparency is necessary in order to actually live. I mean it's problematic: actually live when it's illusory, but I guess it makes people happy and aren't I a god damned utilitarian? I don't know about that I haven't thought about it for a while. I don't know how much a consistent moral framework matters to me anymore. Maybe if I study more with Ernie I'll pick it up again.
Here: try no subjects. Is a good idea, no? No. Is no, in answer. Takes clarity away, sounds foreign. Here, again. Like said yesterday. Of something fundamental. Forget. Is hard to continue. Wondering why, sounds Russian? Shouldn't also be like Spanish? Doesn't sound that way in my head. Noticing that often times use structure with expletives from EPP. Enough.
No predicates? That would be problematic. No more. I said I would stop. About this. This about this. Don't know. Did I say that? Write that? Think that? Don't remember. I remember more that this is exactly like yesterday. I think I will soon find out how cyclical I really am. No really, I didn't think it could be but I am more than I thought I was. Which is a lot. I thought I moved on the next night. I mean, I knew cycles in bed cycles and cycles etc. and all but I thought, I thought next night, next night I moved on. About some things. I guess I knew some things I didn't move on. But this, I thought I would've moved on. I didn't recognize that I hadn't. Brings up some problems. I'm all in figure eights.
Remember: idea is writing. Writing. Not writing about writing, I mean, I didn't say not writing about writing in the start, so that's secondary. Still split on writing about writing. Probably inevitable. Point is. Oh shit. I remembered. Not entirely cyclical. Similar but distinct. Makes some difference, I guess. Point is, writing. Stopping? Not sure. What am I replicating, removing, resculpting, unblocking. Maybe, maybe, start off not stopping, stream, river, etc. but over time we can be flexible and maybe move on to that thing everyone else does. The transparency thing. Two transparency things. One two me from language, other from language to others. Okay. Not important. Other topics: music, film, art generally, life (this is diary problem), people, philosophy (okay that's kind of already part of), maybe more like other ideas not language. There are other ideas. Pop culture like ideas. Something people might actually talk about. Oh yeah. Animals. Dolphins with hands, etc. Danger: might end up too much wikipedia. Other options, little like last night, writing aesthetically, something consistent, not transparent, but somehow viable. Lack of transparency maybe virtue in certain circumstances. Other options. Actual topics about school and things, like things in classes and about classes I want to learn and such. Maybe like Momus just write about things he saw recently like websites and stuff. Dunno.
