Forgot the after-dinner thing. Movie instead. Not a big deal. Tomorrow not, either, probably. Not home until later. Try Monday. On to parataxis. Well, no. I'd like to get past writing about writing; at least, writing about what I'm writing now. Feeling somewhat thoughtless. Perhaps I will just stream until there exists something coherent. Indeed it seems inevitable. Tired, not thinking too straight. Took an antihistamine and melatonin, so may not last long. On the other hand it's rarely easy for me to sleep. We'll see. This state I am in, of semi-somnolence and intoxication, may be to some degree—what's that word that is mind over matter, what is it it's a word it's a word it's a... come on... it's there is this word maybe starts with a p maybe an s come on come on in a minute I'll stop writing and think let's get it, ok I looked it up—psychosomatic. In any case, I can break out of it fairly easily, but not sure I want to—I did just then and then again, but maybe I shouldn't. We'll try doing it the sleepy way for awhile and see what happens tomorrow. That is, I'll look at what I've written, tomorrow. I put a comma there to avoid attachment ambiguity. Also, I may not look at this tomorrow, I don't know if I've actually re-read any of my entries since the first one. Maybe the second. Maybe I did. I don't remember.
New topic but I'll still be in sleepy-state. I think the sleepiest state must be one of the northernmost states. Maybe Montana. It should be a state where people work short hours and eat a lot and there is not a lot of sunlight. They are depressed and then they eat to try to take away the pain. This is my idea of a sleepy state. I don't know what this says about me that I associate sleepiness with obesity and depression. Okay I guess I do it's not so hard to guess but I'm real tired right now and I wasn't really thinking about it. I guess I could do more experiments in free association. Try another concept. Ah fuck now I'm aware of it and it's not as much fun. Move on.
I'm tired of mixed drinks I should get some beer or hard cider. I think that would be good. Gravity's Rainbow is good but there are so many ideas I think if I wrote a book it would have lots of ideas like this but I think I would be more transparent because as much as I defend the opacity of writers and philosophers to be honest I don't really want to write like that. Or maybe I can't write like that. I mean, I'm sure I could, but it ultimately wouldn't come naturally to me. Or it would turn out more transparent than I intended. Which Is quite odd, to think about it. I might be the only person who worries that their writing is too clear. I shouldn't worry about that, all the teachers would say, but then they simultaneously assign lots and lots of opaque material so I think there must be something in it. Perhaps I'm just too young to write like that. I have to wait until I'm older or until I have some other excuse and then I'll be able to write like that and people will be okay with it.
