Short bit on morality. Even if a consistent and sufficient moral system is possible, only a few actually believe in it and fewer act according to it. (This includes religious systems, which must always be filled in by theology.) People act on what feels right and wrong. This partly irrational conscience, which probably must be evolved, is the only real morality that exists, irrespective of ultimate ends, absolute Right and Wrong. It's not really worth arguing about whether this is good or bad because it comes down to a simple descriptive fact that this is what exists. That's not all there is to it; there is obviously still place for reason, systems, etc., but they are secondary to this biological judgment. The question of what kind of system we should believe in is therefore not entirely irrelevant but it is not what I am interested in here. I think that some work is pointing towards a system that is more in line with feeling, cf. John Rawls. It's not clear to me whether this accord is inherently a good thing. But moral behavior is in small acts as much as large ones and we need these feelings to act morally. I need these feelings. I have some of them, most of them, thank God, but sometimes I worry that I don't have all of them, not as strongly as I should. I don't feel loneliness or appreciation as other people seem to, even my experience of affection and loss are sometimes stunted. It bothers me, and means that I don't act as I think I should, hence much of my guilt-complex. That one I have. I got the guilt one down. No atrocities for me. But I guess that's the point, I mean, ethical behavior isn't just about these life and death decisions. Conscience is more than guilt. To act in a way that affirms your self and others requires a conscience that includes all of these motivating feelings that most people share. That's why moral subjectivity isn't necessarily moral relativism. I still think morality is normative. Subjective, but normative, with reference to the normative subject instilled by society. That's how I know that I'm lacking some feelings. And I don't know how to find them.
She was thirteen, experimenting with witchcraft and lesbianism.
