You'd be surprised how hard it is to think of words to put together, a la Butthole Surfers, that aren't closely related. I guess part of it is that you need simple but striking words (Rembrandt Pussy Horse, Locust Abortion Technician) that work syntactically but not too obviously, but also our brains are wired to put words together that make sense, that we use often, idioms and the like. There's a new thought: there is a connection between relational thinking and idiomatic language. Not clear what sort of connection. Of course, Orwell was wrong, but there remains a certain intuitive appeal to his railing against idiom that goes beyond a modernist obsession with originality.
Closed eyes, empty lips, paranoia, empty bliss. Animated colors trace outlines of cold grey. Time of presentation exceeds time of occurance. Time slows, movement backgrounded, color emerges. Details never there read signifiers in darkness. Attached to meaning betraying lived experience in favor of shallow epiphany. Slip out in damp night, wet, decomposing leaves underfoot. Long shadows appear at approach of car, engine quiet, tires loud. Look away, look away. Headlights corrupt. Half shell of retina performing its own symphony in E flat. Somewhere a psychadelic connection draws truths out of falsehoods out of nothingness, darkness. Even blackness clashes.
Okay I decided that wasn't long enough. Also I have to wait for the video to load. Only a few days until school. I feel good about that. More worried about summer. Job market unlikely to be inviting, but I have to work again sometime or I'll run out of money. On the other hand I don't spend a whole lot and I still have some left. Enough for this year and the next? Maybe, at this rate, provided I don't spend much this summer. But of course there's not usually a neutral option usually you're either working and (hopefully) making money or not working and if you're going to be doing anything at all you're spending money, possibly a whole lot.
So this is going to be a short-paragraph post. Not stupid short though, as seems to be the fad on the internet. I guess I understand the style, but it's not pretentious enough for me. Also I don't want to diverge too much from the way I write papers, since that's part of the point of the blog. How much do I hold back / should I hold back? I've already slipped in a few personal things but I'm hesitant to say anything that would hurt someone who might possibly come across it. (This is, after all, under my own name. I am not a pseudonymous black trumpeter.) Or make someone dislike me. I mean, the pretentious stuff isn't anything anyone who knows me at all isn't prepared for, but there are personal things that even I'm uncomfortable live. Though I might be getting through that, with Bataille's help.
Video loading again. I guess I like paragraphs of equal lengths. That makes sense, I suppose. I saw Koyanisqaatsi and I realized that that is the kind of film that I wanted to do when I was interested in film, freshman year of high school. I didn't want to deal with actors or writing, I wanted just to shoot and edit. I guess another option would have been to get other people to do the rest for me, but that minimizes my role and control too much. I wanted the freedom to make a shot go on and on... too long, until finally, cyclically, it makes sense again. I wanted to watch, voyeuristically in the most innocent sense, just to observe, on film, the process of interaction between camera and scene, environment, life and death. Undeniably an affinity with photography, but there's something about motion that really makes it something more to me. It's about timing, I think. You can't control the time of presentation in a photo. You can't create rhythm. But I don't know how much this type of filmmaking lends itself to low budgets. Certainly some of it doesn't, like the aforementioned film. Needs fancy cameras and helicopters. But I think there is some possibility with a handheld cinema verite style, but more arty and stylized. I would just need to develop the style more, understand how to control handheld shots and manipulate natural lighting more.
